I've been lost in Jamie's mission journal these past few nights. It has been a great comfort to read his words. His testimony, his love for the gospel, his insight, and his humor never cease to amaze me.
My favorite entry so far begins, "Heavenly Father just sucker-punched me and I completely and utterly let him." Oh, Jamie! I've never met anyone that can make me laugh the way you do, even now. The very next sentence reads, "I am in awe of the perfectness of His work." What a humble husband I have.
In his journal, I also discovered a list of the top fifty things he wanted to do before he died. While I knew of some of his aspirations (we are all familiar with the swimming pool full of jello), I had no idea such a list existed. Here are a few of my favorites ...
#7. Find a hottie [I'm not joking, it really does say that. And in parenthesis next to it, it states, "not in a shallow way" ... I love you, Jamie. Your wit continues to bring me happiness.]
#8. Make a family with my hottie
#10. Be a pilot.
#16. Have a CD collection comparable to John Cusak's in High Fidelity. [I have never seen this movie. Someone will have to tell me if he accomplished this. I think he has a good shot. Jamie's CD collection is staggering.]
#18. Publicly bust out in a choreographed dance. [Does our living room count?]
#26. Use a fire extinguisher, for reals. [That is a direct quote.]
#33. Meet a prophet/president of the church
#38. Buy a horse in Mongolia
Number thirty-eight strikes me as particularly poignant because it is such a specific goal. Not "ride a horse". Not "visit Mongolia". Not even "ride a horse in Mongolia". No, my lovey--for reasons known only to him--had a driving desire to purchase an equestrian beast in the somewhat random location of Mongolia. I think I know what I have to do here. I must travel to Mongolia and buy a horse for him. It's the only reasonable thing to do in this type of situation.
Oh, Jamie. You amaze me.
While I am feeling a little 'sucker punched' myself these days, I echo the words of my incredible husband when I say that I, too, am in awe at the perfectness of His work. I am not sure why this has happened, but I do know that I was prepared for this moment. And now I am finding the strength and courage that I need in Jamie's writing.
I leave you with an excerpt that has left an imprint on my soul. It was written on the 29th of September, 2005 ... long before he met me. But I cannot help but feel these words were meant to give me guidance.
"Do not give up. Do not stop before the line, sprint past it. Do not consign yourself to apathy because a goal is in sight. It doesn't matter how tight you pulled a line if you allow slack in at the last moment. Moore yourself to the iron rod and receive all the promised blessings from Heavenly Father now, and the blessings of eternal life and exaltation in the time to come."
I will hearken to the counsel of my husband. I will not give up.
My favorite entry so far begins, "Heavenly Father just sucker-punched me and I completely and utterly let him." Oh, Jamie! I've never met anyone that can make me laugh the way you do, even now. The very next sentence reads, "I am in awe of the perfectness of His work." What a humble husband I have.
In his journal, I also discovered a list of the top fifty things he wanted to do before he died. While I knew of some of his aspirations (we are all familiar with the swimming pool full of jello), I had no idea such a list existed. Here are a few of my favorites ...
#7. Find a hottie [I'm not joking, it really does say that. And in parenthesis next to it, it states, "not in a shallow way" ... I love you, Jamie. Your wit continues to bring me happiness.]
#8. Make a family with my hottie
#10. Be a pilot.
#16. Have a CD collection comparable to John Cusak's in High Fidelity. [I have never seen this movie. Someone will have to tell me if he accomplished this. I think he has a good shot. Jamie's CD collection is staggering.]
#18. Publicly bust out in a choreographed dance. [Does our living room count?]
#26. Use a fire extinguisher, for reals. [That is a direct quote.]
#33. Meet a prophet/president of the church
#38. Buy a horse in Mongolia
Number thirty-eight strikes me as particularly poignant because it is such a specific goal. Not "ride a horse". Not "visit Mongolia". Not even "ride a horse in Mongolia". No, my lovey--for reasons known only to him--had a driving desire to purchase an equestrian beast in the somewhat random location of Mongolia. I think I know what I have to do here. I must travel to Mongolia and buy a horse for him. It's the only reasonable thing to do in this type of situation.
Oh, Jamie. You amaze me.
While I am feeling a little 'sucker punched' myself these days, I echo the words of my incredible husband when I say that I, too, am in awe at the perfectness of His work. I am not sure why this has happened, but I do know that I was prepared for this moment. And now I am finding the strength and courage that I need in Jamie's writing.
I leave you with an excerpt that has left an imprint on my soul. It was written on the 29th of September, 2005 ... long before he met me. But I cannot help but feel these words were meant to give me guidance.
"Do not give up. Do not stop before the line, sprint past it. Do not consign yourself to apathy because a goal is in sight. It doesn't matter how tight you pulled a line if you allow slack in at the last moment. Moore yourself to the iron rod and receive all the promised blessings from Heavenly Father now, and the blessings of eternal life and exaltation in the time to come."
I will hearken to the counsel of my husband. I will not give up.
17 comments:
Beautiful words from a wonderful man! You are so blessed, Jessie, to have been married to Jamie... albeit way too short of a time. I know how badly you miss him; I know there will be very dark days in the near future. Holding on to your memories and strong faith will help ease the pain.
I posted a blog last night, but I'm not sure it went through. But I wanted you to know how much I was thinking about you yesterday. I received 2 phone calls yesterday at school...one from a mom who "doesn't even know Mrs. Patel, but wants to know how she can help", and another from a very faithful, spiritual Painted Sky parent who wanted us both to know she is diligently praying for us, and how blessed we are to have each other. You will find that there is comfort in having a friend who can truly understand, so please lean on me, as I will with you.
Love you Jessie.
Cookie
Thanks for sharing that. I think we should all buy horses in Mongolia :) He had such a great sense of humor. Thanks for sharing some of his thoughts with us.
Thank you for sharing that!I love his humor--what a wonderful man. You are in my prayers and thoughts! You are so amazing Jessie!
Jessie that was absolutely beautiful! You are hands down the most amazing women. I love you so much and am overjoyed that you are able to find the strength you need through Jamie's words. And I completely agree, how in awe I am over God's eternal and glorious plan for us all. I love you! If you need anything I am here for you.
The living room absolutely counts! He danced his heart out to a choreographed dance!
Thank you, Jessie.
I want to go with you to Mongolia to buy the horse:) How about June?
Thank you for sharing that Jessie. Jamie had such a great sense of humor. That list sounds so much like him. Why he needed a horse from Mongolia would only make sense to him! He amazed me every day with his faith in the gospel and his knowledge and love for it.
Oh dear. I made it through that whole post and didn't even cry...I only teared up a little bit when I read other people's comments here.
At least Jamie got to ride our ugly little horse Lefty, while you got the pretty one.
Its amazing to see the way Jamie engulfed himself in the gospel. Right from the moment I meet him in Japan I could tell there was something special about him and while teaching him the lessons he would eat it up. Every lesson he thirsted for more. It is great to know that he held on to it and ran and made himself an instument in the hands of the Lord. I love you Jamie and will miss you. Till we meet again.
The comment above was from Nate.
I don't even know you, but I came over from Tauna Egan's Blog.
My heart aches for you and I can't even imagine the sadness you are feeling right now. I have been married for almost 20 years and I can't imagine losing the love of my life.
What a blessing it is to read through the Journals and thoughts of our loved ones and find peace and comfort.
I don't think we realize when we do write down our feelings how much they will benefit those that read them. What a testimony it is to faithfully keeping a journal.
You are a beautiful couple...the photos of you on your wedding day speak LOVE and I loved seeing how you laughed and had so much fun together.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Wow, I love all of that! I didn't have the chance to really get to know Jaime well before he was gone. I was looking forward to many years growing closer to all the Castillo family (including Jaime :) that my sister Sara married into. I will miss the sense of humor I was only able to get a glimpse of at famiy gatherings. Thank you for sharing Jessie, such words inspire me to be more than I am and to write my own dreams down. Because it doesn't really matter that Jaime didn't get to do many of them while he was here, it only matters that he dared to dream he could.
Kristine Mitchell
Jessie, you are an inspiration to me. I know that you will make it through this, as will we all, and that Jamie will have so many new stories for us when we see him again.
If you put a paypal button to take donations to buy a horse in Mongolia, we'd totally donate! :) I think others would too, because it's so much like Jamie to come up with something so different. :)
You are awesome Jess. I wish that I could have met your Jamie. You are such an example of courage and faith. Keep your head up and know that He is with you. Love you tons! Jessica
You can count me in on a Mongolian Adventure. That actually brought some hope for me. The crazy Jamie adventures will live on! Love you!
Dear Jessie,
I want to be as cool as you when I grow up. And as Jamie and I share the dream of a pool of Jello I will let you know when I do it.
Love
Elena
(ps "cloudy with a chance of meatballs" has an awesome jello scene Jamie would have loved)
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